Shit No One Tells You About Losing Weight

(I could have written a whole post apologizing for not being here for three months and making excuses. But, why bother?)

1. It's Ugly. If you have five or ten pounds to lose, you'll look great right away. If you have thirty or more pounds to lose, you get to see how ugly you really are. Loose skin is ugly. It has wrinkles and pockmarks and yuck. Yes, eventually you'll look great, but you have to wait until you've lost the weight and your skin catches up.
2. It Hurts. It's painful. You will be hungry. There is no such thing as losing weight without being hungry and hunger hurts. You will be sore. If you're trying to lose weight without exercising, maybe you won't be, but if you're doing any kind of workouts, you're going to experience muscle soreness and possibly injury.
3. It's Boring. Yes, that first week or two when the scale is really dropping are exciting. Everything after that is boring as hell. Food gets boring. Exercise gets boring. Life gets boring.
4. It's Slow. Oh yeah, they say you can lose two pounds a week. You do the math and that's thirty pounds in fifteen weeks. Woo Hoo! Um. No. You'll do that for a few weeks and then something will happen. Margaritas. A picnic. Someone's birthday. A holiday. And you've gained ten pounds back and have to get back on track again.
5. It's Frustrating. No one ever tells you how hard it is. Or if they do, you don't listen. You think they don't have the willpower to do it or they're stupid or they're lazy. No. It's hard and that makes it frustrating because you think everyone else who has lost weight is somehow more genetically gifted than you and you have to work harder than they did and damn it, you should be able to eat one piece of cheesecake without suffering for it for three days and... Yeah.

The bottom line.
If you're trying to lose weight just to look good, find some other motivation. Looking good is nice. Being able to walk upstairs without stopping to rest is better. Being able to carry your own groceries in the house without stopping to rest is better. Being able to cut your grass and plant flowers and play with your kids or the neighbor's kids or your grandkids is better. Being able to take your dog for a walk is better. Looking good is relative anyway. Being able to do things other people can't do is a gift you'll appreciate a lot longer.