I have been gaining and losing the same fifteen pounds for the last two years. It's frustrating because I'll do OK for a while and then I balloon back up again. I had hoped to be at my goal weight by the end of this year, but today I weigh just about the same as I did in January 2010
I've had it.
My resolutions for 2013 revolve around getting stronger and increasing stamina. No weight loss goals at all. I won't gain weight, but I'm not going to try to lose any either. Whatever I weigh tomorrow morning is what I weigh and I'm done. I am absolutely changing my focus and I'm not turning back.
I'm tired of being frustrated and slamming my head against a wall all the time. I'm tired of being mad at myself and beating myself up. This year instead of making myself miserable because I don't weigh what I'm "supposed to", I'm setting strength and endurance goals and am working on meeting them.
So, I did some research and worked out some goals for myself for the standard lifts in the gym and I've already been working on my running goal since October, so it's just a continuation. Anyway, here's the list:
My one rep max on the following lifts will be:
Deadlift 100% bodyweight
Squat 100% bodyweight
Bench 33% bodyweight
Overhead press 20% bodyweight
My reps for the following bodyweight exercises will be:
Push-ups (full) 10
Dips (full) 3
Pull-ups (dead hang) 1
I will be able to run for a full 30 minutes without stopping.
I will not gain weight.
I'll test everything during the last two weeks of December 2013. Wish me strength and happiness. Luck doesn't have a damn thing to do with it.
Saturday, December 29, 2012
Wednesday, December 26, 2012
Control
I've heard some writers say they have a hard time controlling their characters. I've heard other writers say that you created them and therefore you are controlling them whether you think you are or not. I think the truth falls somewhere in between.
Yes, they are our creations. Once we create them, they have lives of their own. It would be nice if our creations would behave the way we want them to, just like it would be nice if our children would behave the way we want them to. If you have children, you know this is a crap shoot on the best of days. Taking this a step further, I imagine the gods spend a lot of time throwing up their hands and rolling their eyes at the way we act, too.
I've spent a lot of time on my current draft of my novel trying to make my female protagonist behave. She's a hormonal young adult and is willing to throw herself at the mercy of her male counterparts all too easily. I feel like I've done nothing but snatch her out of someone else's bed time and time again. What she wants to do is not what's best for her or the story, so I keep prodding her. I imagine the gods do the what they can to influence us, but ultimately, they have to allow us to be who we are and we have to let our characters have their heads, too. Like raising children, complete control is a myth. Watching them bump their heads is painful but it nets change that moves them forward or changes their direction completely. Neither one is all good or all bad and it's almost always interesting.
In the end, I usually let my characters have their heads through the first draft. In the second draft I do some pushing and molding. By the third draft, they have generally figured out who they are and so have I and we work together reasonably well, but sometimes I still struggle with letting them just "be".
Yes, they are our creations. Once we create them, they have lives of their own. It would be nice if our creations would behave the way we want them to, just like it would be nice if our children would behave the way we want them to. If you have children, you know this is a crap shoot on the best of days. Taking this a step further, I imagine the gods spend a lot of time throwing up their hands and rolling their eyes at the way we act, too.
I've spent a lot of time on my current draft of my novel trying to make my female protagonist behave. She's a hormonal young adult and is willing to throw herself at the mercy of her male counterparts all too easily. I feel like I've done nothing but snatch her out of someone else's bed time and time again. What she wants to do is not what's best for her or the story, so I keep prodding her. I imagine the gods do the what they can to influence us, but ultimately, they have to allow us to be who we are and we have to let our characters have their heads, too. Like raising children, complete control is a myth. Watching them bump their heads is painful but it nets change that moves them forward or changes their direction completely. Neither one is all good or all bad and it's almost always interesting.
In the end, I usually let my characters have their heads through the first draft. In the second draft I do some pushing and molding. By the third draft, they have generally figured out who they are and so have I and we work together reasonably well, but sometimes I still struggle with letting them just "be".
Sunday, December 23, 2012
Sandy Hook and other like tragedies...
I'm only weighing in on this because I feel like I have to. I'm sorry all those children and adults died. I'm more sorry for their families. Losing a family member tears a family apart. Been there, done that, though not in such a violent way.
Before I start and you get your panties in a wad, understand that I am viewing this strictly from my personal perspective and experiences. I am not trying to start an argument, just getting my opinion out there so it can stop tumbling around in my head.
I can only think of two people who I have known personally who have died through violent means. These are people I had talked to or maybe even shook hands with but not people I would have called "friends". One was a kid a year or two younger than me in high school. He was standing in line at a McDonald's when a mental patient came up behind him and sliced his throat open with a knife. The other was an older gentleman who blew his own head off with a shotgun.
We don't need a ban on assault weapons. We don't need a ban on any kind of weapon. What we need is to stop turning our backs on people with mental health problems. We need to stop saying "it's just a phase" or "he'll pull himself together" and start recognizing these things earlier so we can get a handle on them before they turn into something we will all regret.
Before I start and you get your panties in a wad, understand that I am viewing this strictly from my personal perspective and experiences. I am not trying to start an argument, just getting my opinion out there so it can stop tumbling around in my head.
I can only think of two people who I have known personally who have died through violent means. These are people I had talked to or maybe even shook hands with but not people I would have called "friends". One was a kid a year or two younger than me in high school. He was standing in line at a McDonald's when a mental patient came up behind him and sliced his throat open with a knife. The other was an older gentleman who blew his own head off with a shotgun.
We don't need a ban on assault weapons. We don't need a ban on any kind of weapon. What we need is to stop turning our backs on people with mental health problems. We need to stop saying "it's just a phase" or "he'll pull himself together" and start recognizing these things earlier so we can get a handle on them before they turn into something we will all regret.
Thursday, December 20, 2012
Tired
I'm tired.
Not just physically, but mentally. The older I get, the more tired I get. Being physically tired is one thing. You can rest or sleep or eat and feel better. You might hurt more or move slower but that's all. Being mentally tired, on the other hand, is a bigger challenge. Not only are you less able to react to life as it explodes in your face, but your filter starts shutting down. When I'm mentally tired, I say the first thing or take the first action that comes to my mind instead of thinking it through. So, if you do something dumb or irritating, you're as likely to meet my middle finger as anything else. If you say something stupid, I'm going to let you know just how stupid you are. When I'm not dragged out, I'll actually take a breath before I speak and choose my words relatively carefully.
I'm not sure what to do to get "un-tired". I don't have children. I'm only working one job. And yet, everyday I feel like I don't have enough time to do all the things I need to do, much less the things I want to. I don't understand how my days suddenly got so short. A month or two ago, I didn't feel like this.
I think it's because I'm tired.
Not just physically, but mentally. The older I get, the more tired I get. Being physically tired is one thing. You can rest or sleep or eat and feel better. You might hurt more or move slower but that's all. Being mentally tired, on the other hand, is a bigger challenge. Not only are you less able to react to life as it explodes in your face, but your filter starts shutting down. When I'm mentally tired, I say the first thing or take the first action that comes to my mind instead of thinking it through. So, if you do something dumb or irritating, you're as likely to meet my middle finger as anything else. If you say something stupid, I'm going to let you know just how stupid you are. When I'm not dragged out, I'll actually take a breath before I speak and choose my words relatively carefully.
I'm not sure what to do to get "un-tired". I don't have children. I'm only working one job. And yet, everyday I feel like I don't have enough time to do all the things I need to do, much less the things I want to. I don't understand how my days suddenly got so short. A month or two ago, I didn't feel like this.
I think it's because I'm tired.
Saturday, December 1, 2012
Shh...Don't tell anyone.
I hesitate to write this because every time I get excited about something or brag about it, I get kicked in the teeth. But, I think I've found the key to being able to run consistently: Run only twice a week.
At the beginning of September, I started running like I have every fall for the last five years. And, like every other year, I got injured. I was only running four days a week and following a very conservative run/walk program, but still my knees got pissed and swelled up, making even walking painful. This year, although I was lighter than I had been any previous year, it took me all of two weeks to get there.
So, I laid off completely until the beginning of October. Then I began running again, but only twice a week. It's been eight weeks now and I'm suffering no extended adverse effects.
I walk a half mile or so to warm up. Currently, I'm running 15 seconds and walking 45 but tomorrow I up it to 20/40. The first week of the month, I do it 9 times, increasing it by 3 times each run until I'm doing the run/walk combo 30 times. My total mileage for each run ranges from 2 - 3.5 miles depending on how many times I'm running and where I'm running (meaning the track v/s the neighborhood). If the gods are willing and the creek doesn't rise, in January I'll be running 30 seconds and walking 2 minutes until I've done that combo for a total of thirty minutes.
I would very much like to be running a full 30-45 minutes straight by the end of 2013. I know that's a long time off, but I'm tired of learning my limits the hard way. If I push too hard, my body lets me know and it's not kind about it. The old girl can be a bitch and I'd rather fool her into being strong by easing her along than push her until she pushes back and knocks me on my ass.
Here's to a month of twice a week runs and no setbacks. Wish me luck.
At the beginning of September, I started running like I have every fall for the last five years. And, like every other year, I got injured. I was only running four days a week and following a very conservative run/walk program, but still my knees got pissed and swelled up, making even walking painful. This year, although I was lighter than I had been any previous year, it took me all of two weeks to get there.
So, I laid off completely until the beginning of October. Then I began running again, but only twice a week. It's been eight weeks now and I'm suffering no extended adverse effects.
I walk a half mile or so to warm up. Currently, I'm running 15 seconds and walking 45 but tomorrow I up it to 20/40. The first week of the month, I do it 9 times, increasing it by 3 times each run until I'm doing the run/walk combo 30 times. My total mileage for each run ranges from 2 - 3.5 miles depending on how many times I'm running and where I'm running (meaning the track v/s the neighborhood). If the gods are willing and the creek doesn't rise, in January I'll be running 30 seconds and walking 2 minutes until I've done that combo for a total of thirty minutes.
I would very much like to be running a full 30-45 minutes straight by the end of 2013. I know that's a long time off, but I'm tired of learning my limits the hard way. If I push too hard, my body lets me know and it's not kind about it. The old girl can be a bitch and I'd rather fool her into being strong by easing her along than push her until she pushes back and knocks me on my ass.
Here's to a month of twice a week runs and no setbacks. Wish me luck.
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