Rules for My Funeral

1. NO WAKE. I do not want people "mooning and dripping" over my dead body. (Quote from Ila Reyna. If you see her, thank her for me.)
2. NO FUNERAL. See above. Cremate me and do what you will with my ashes. The toilet seems like a fine place. Or you could put me into a stuffed animal that you carry around a la Kurt Cobain and Courtney Love. Whatever. I'm easy.
3. PARTY. Throw one. Invite all my friends and any of yours that have met me even once.
4. JACK DANIELS. Lay in a pretty good supply. You'll need at least a couple bottles to accomplish the next objective.
5. TESTIFY. As folks walk in the door, hand them the bottle of Jack. If they want, they can take a drink. If not, they can just hold the bottle. Say one bad thing about me or tell a story about a time when I was especially bitchy. I am not an angel nor a goddess and I guarantee I will not become one after I die. Tell it like it is. I will not be deified after death.
6. PLAY MUSIC. Goo Goo Dolls, Collective Soul, Black Veil Brides, Scorpions, All That Remains, Three Days Grace, James Taylor, Barry Manilow, John Petrucci, Apocalyptica, Coheed and Cambria and any new music I like.
7. LAUGH. You'll have enough to cry about while you're still alive, don't cry over me. I won't be crying, I promise you.

Random Thoughts

• For the first time in fifteen years, I am thin enough to wear my wedding ring. I have twenty pounds to go, but this is a victory which I am celebrating.
• Speaking of the End of the World diet: I am plateauing. Bad. I keep losing and gaining the same two pounds. A month ago I went vegetarian again. It has not helped. Or at least it hasn't helped the weight loss. I'm sure I'm slightly healthier than when I was eating meat. So, now I'm limiting my alcohol consumption to two drinks on Sundays (after I've weighed and measured) and I'm going to up my workouts. We'll see what this does for me by the beginning of November. It had better do something if I'm going to be limiting my conversations with Mr. Daniel to once a week.
• My writing friend, Aarin, contacted me after not hearing from him for about four years. If I said I was just excited, it would be a lie. I'm ecstatic. I sent him Novel One to read and he sent me his latest. I'm a lot nervous because he's the first pair of eyes to see it besides mine. So, we'll see...
• I'm thinking about doing a perimenopause post. I read an article recently that said that your migraines and mental illness increase while you're going through it. That explains a lot.
• I am proud of my gray hairs and wrinkles. I've worked hard to get them. Today, however, I noticed three things: I'm getting a couple of wrinkles on my upper lip that are actually making me look old. Instead of having a gray hair here and there, I actually have some locks of hair that contain two gray hairs. I've had some of my gray hairs long enough for them to have multiple split ends.
• Big ole flea market in town for the weekend. We're going this morning, despite the cold and wind. I want to see if I can find a couple more Pyrex loaf pans. I want to make bread today and it would be cool if they were actually shaped like a sandwich loaf instead of a hearth loaf. I may also look for some Tupperware containers. Somehow, I never seem to have enough of them.