Frustration

I feel stuck.

The chasm between what I want to be doing and what I can do is so big right now, I can't even see the other side. It's stupid, but it's making me feel desperate. I hate stagnating, but worse than that, I hate moving backwards and that's what this feels like.

I can't power through this. If I try that, I'm going to get more injured and then the healing will take even longer. It's been four days and this is how crazy I'm getting. I need another ten before I can even try walking any distance, much less running. Squatting and dead-lifting are out, possibly for a couple of months. I need to take the long view and realize that a few months is nothing compared to twenty years or more, but I can't. All I can think is that I'm stuck.

Yes, I'm whining. Yes, there are people out there who are in far worse shape than me. Yes, I'm still healthier and stronger than 85% of the people I know. However, when I'm sitting here thinking about how far I've come and how far I have yet to go, knowing I can't progress kills me. It feels like I'm being punished for trying to be better.

I'll get through this. I need to trust the process. When I come out on the other side, I'll be stronger.

Blah, blah, blah. Empty promises. I just want to do what I want to do.

The Space Between

I am stuck in the middle of everything right now.

I'm between writing projects. And yeah, I've got one on deck, but I'm not "involved" just yet, so it feels like limbo.

I'm injured, so I'm having to put off working out until Monday and then I'll have to create workarounds just to function.

Work has been slow and I've done a lot of sitting around instead of making people feel better and that makes the days longer.

Yeah, I'm whining. Hopefully by Monday I'll have everything going in the right direction.

Shit No One Tells You About Losing Weight

(I could have written a whole post apologizing for not being here for three months and making excuses. But, why bother?)

1. It's Ugly. If you have five or ten pounds to lose, you'll look great right away. If you have thirty or more pounds to lose, you get to see how ugly you really are. Loose skin is ugly. It has wrinkles and pockmarks and yuck. Yes, eventually you'll look great, but you have to wait until you've lost the weight and your skin catches up.
2. It Hurts. It's painful. You will be hungry. There is no such thing as losing weight without being hungry and hunger hurts. You will be sore. If you're trying to lose weight without exercising, maybe you won't be, but if you're doing any kind of workouts, you're going to experience muscle soreness and possibly injury.
3. It's Boring. Yes, that first week or two when the scale is really dropping are exciting. Everything after that is boring as hell. Food gets boring. Exercise gets boring. Life gets boring.
4. It's Slow. Oh yeah, they say you can lose two pounds a week. You do the math and that's thirty pounds in fifteen weeks. Woo Hoo! Um. No. You'll do that for a few weeks and then something will happen. Margaritas. A picnic. Someone's birthday. A holiday. And you've gained ten pounds back and have to get back on track again.
5. It's Frustrating. No one ever tells you how hard it is. Or if they do, you don't listen. You think they don't have the willpower to do it or they're stupid or they're lazy. No. It's hard and that makes it frustrating because you think everyone else who has lost weight is somehow more genetically gifted than you and you have to work harder than they did and damn it, you should be able to eat one piece of cheesecake without suffering for it for three days and... Yeah.

The bottom line.
If you're trying to lose weight just to look good, find some other motivation. Looking good is nice. Being able to walk upstairs without stopping to rest is better. Being able to carry your own groceries in the house without stopping to rest is better. Being able to cut your grass and plant flowers and play with your kids or the neighbor's kids or your grandkids is better. Being able to take your dog for a walk is better. Looking good is relative anyway. Being able to do things other people can't do is a gift you'll appreciate a lot longer.